Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blonde haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy
Hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'
The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ...
I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts....so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy.. '
'And here I am.'
Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist
Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent
Inter-action between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a
D.C. Airport. There were protesters on the train platform handing out
Pamphlets, on the evils of America .. I politely declined to take
The elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young
(20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely
Declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's
Shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice the young
Lady said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq?"
The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in
France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in
Vietnam . All three died so a bitch like you could have the right to
Stand here and badmouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll
Stick this umbrella up your ass and open it."
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter
'What are you doing?'
'Oh, Killing any?'
'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'
3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone
Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.
Her mother reassured her;
'Don't worry, Maria, Tony 's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'
So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony 's got a big hairy chest.'
'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests...Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'
So, up she went again.. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'
'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony 's a good man Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.'
So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony 's only got a foot and a half!'
Her Mama said, 'Stay here and stir the pasta.'
The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather
> well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
> 'May I help you sir?' she asked. 'I want to see Valerie,' the man
> 'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
> someone else', said the madam.
> 'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
> Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a
> visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and
> gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man
> calmly left.
> The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see
> Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as
> was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still
> Again, the man pulled out the money,gave it to Valerie, and they went
> After an hour, he left.
> The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded
> that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and
> they went upstairs.
> After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been
> with me
> three nights in a row. Where are you from?'.
> The man replied, ' Ontario '.
> 'Really', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'
> 'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She
> me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'
> The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
> 1. Death
> 2. Taxes
> 3. Being screwed by a lawyer