HEAD SCRATCHERS ?
* Why's a round pizza come in a square box?
* Once you're in Heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
* If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
* Why are you IN a movie but ON TV?
* Why is "bra" singular but "panties" plural?
* If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
* Can a person cry underwater?
* Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there's not enough money?
* Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
* How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?
* Blow in a dog's face, he runs away. Take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window. Why?
* Ever notice kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
* If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
* How come no plastic bag will ever open from its end on the first try?
* How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
* Using sterilized needles for death by lethal injection???
* Ever notice people constantly return to the fridge in hopes something new will have materialized?
* Ever notice Superman stops a bullet with his chest but ducks when something's thrown at him?
* What disease did cured ham actually have?
* How is it we put a man on the moon before we figured out it's a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
* How important does a person have to be before they're considered "assassinated" instead of just murdered?
* Why do you have to "put your 2 cents in" but it's only "a penny for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going?
* People say they slept like a baby -- but babies wake up every two hours.
* Doctors leave the room when you change. Why? They're going to see you naked anyway.
* Why does someone believe you when you say there are 4 billion stars but check when you tell them the paint is wet?
* Ever notice no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
* In winter we keep the house as warm as it was in those summer days when we complained about the heat.
* Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in our butt?
* People keep running over string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
* Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?
* If that professor in "Gilligan's Island" could make a radio out of a coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in a boat?
* Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs.
* Human beings pay to go up in tall buildings like the Empire State Building then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground.
* If "Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares," why is there a stupid song about him?
* Kindly someone tell me the reason toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a crisp that no human being would ever eat?
* Corn oil's from corn, vegetable oil's from vegetables. What's baby oil from?
* And if electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
* Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
* Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Where's he shave? And with what?
* When you attempt to catch something falling off a table, doesn't it seem you always manage to knock something else over?
* If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
* When someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart in a supermarket, why do we say, "It's all right." It isn't all right. So why don't we say, "That really hurt. Why don't you watch where you're going?"
* That stupid Alphabet Song and the well-known "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" song? Don't they have the same tune? And didn't you just try singing those same two stupid songs right now?
* Why does going to church make you a better Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car?
* And, please, the reason why we keep certain junk for years and years, finally throw it away and three weeks later it's just what we needed?
* And how old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?